i wrote an email to Am about the feelings i had yesterday. i got a very touching reply from her. here it is:
Dear BuBu jan,

I understand you pretty well, there is nothing extraordinary in your behaviour. You just care that person in a definite way. We all lose a little bit of ourselves whenever we are even seemingly in love. Sometimes we have to reject all our principles and we do things that we wouldn't or shouldn's then we start torturing ourselves discussing whether it was write or wrong, but let me tell you that this is the beauty of life, it is perfect that you have somebody for whom and with whom you can forget yourself and do things that are almost unpredictable.

Take care

Am