i wanted to make this birthday the best in my life, as every year. and it didn't work this time, as every year...
i was going to have a party with my group in our house. i was looking forward to it. but yesterday..... well, they told me they wouldn't come. it was because of the little argue that they took too serious. after a while i pretended that nothing had happened. didn't work. they called Maria during the break and talked to her. and then they called me and told that they wouldn't come. i thought it was a joke and that they wanted to make a surprise for me. no, i was mistaken. they were pretty serious. i asked them the reason and the answer was: "because you don't want us to come." a little argue followed. then i said: "thanks for spoiling my birthday." then i began to walk faster. it was at the moment we were going home from the mental hospital. i walked faster and faster leaving the others behind me. i was crying. i looked at my city from that very high places and i needed someone next to me. i realized that there are no people on this earth that i'd like to have next to me. i felt soooooo lonely. so i have another spoilt birthday. i've spent only 2 birthdays in my life without tears... this one isn't an exception too. instead of having fun and feeling important i have to... i don't know what am i going to do.....

omg, it's sooooooo weird.... while i was cutting cucumbers today, i was thinking about my past birthdays. last year, oct. 22nd... it was almost the same. i cried a lot. it was someone else who hurt me. i cried hard. i cried millions of tears. the main difference is that my friends were with me then. they couldn't understand why i cried. i saw another spoilt birthday in front of me. i wasn't mistaken. i cried again after 2 days. i cried on my birthday. and again. oct 22nd, 2 days before my birthday. i cried a lot and i had noone with me. i saw another spoilt birthday. no way!!! i'm gonna have a lot of fun tomorrow!!!!!!! noone can spoil it!!!!!!!