i thought i was bored of this but... no, i still enjoy it. a cup of ice-tea, starsailor and night... what else do i need for a good rest? i close my eyes and try to drown in starsailor's songs, in the night. there are no many stars here. is it cloudy? it has been a long time that i didn't look at the night sky in yerevan.
oh, starsailor takes me back to some memories. are they good, are they bad? i look with a bitter smile at that part of my past and i don't regret anything. maybe i regret only that i couldn't change myself earlier, i couldn't forget him earlier. i had decided that i wasn't going to see him again but now i don't care about it. some days ago i even wanted to call him not because i missed him but i just wanted to say hi.
it seems to be long ago, sooooo long ago... maybe it wasn't even real. what about all that things i've written about him? they're asleep on the pages of my old diaries.
some of us laugh, some of us cry
some of us smoke, some of us lie
but it's all just a way
that we cope with our lives
i don't know... some kind of sweetness is coming from my past even though i ignore him. but i was happy when i was with him. and our childish argues... how funny they were!!!
what would happen, if i didn't meet him? would i love somebody else? so strong? so deep? so long? and how's life right now that i've kicked him off my thoughts? right now i live amazing moments all alone and i can easily change the direction of my thoughts. before i couldn't.
i hate when people think i'm a child. there was time that i didn't want to grow up. i don't car about it now, may my life go forward in it's common route. i just hate when people say, "you're young, you won't understand." and those so-called adults never think that they, they call themselves adults but they don't understand me at all. they just say, "you're young, you won't understand." and the weirdest thing is that those "adults" are usually 5-6 years older than me, sometimes even 3 or less. why haven't i ever heard those words from people who are 10-15 years older than me or even from the mouth of my dear mum?
too many mosquitos. i'd better go home and read a little.

Your Heart is Grey


What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

i can be an asshole of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
Who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected
i have the bravest heart that you've ever seen and you've never met anyone
Who is as positive as I am sometimes

you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

i blame everyone else & not my own partaking
my passive aggressive-ness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting and you've never met anyone
Who is as closed down as I am sometimes

you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist persists and speaks louder than i know
What i resist you love no matter how low or high I go

I am the funniest woman that you've ever known
I am the dullest woman that you've ever known
I'm the most gorgeous woman that you've ever known and you've never met anyone
Who is as everything as I am sometimes

you see everything you see every part
you see all my light and you love my dark
you dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

i found the best way of a rest. i just don't know what i have done today. it was too hot today. and when the evening shattered and the stars appeared i felt that there was a wind outside though i was fried at home. i took a cup of ice-tea and my book, turned on alanis' SCC in the balcony and went out. i switched on the lights of some rooms to make possuble to read in the balcony. i sat on the upper stair. it was prety warm though the sun was gone for a long time.
i was drinking the ice-tea and reading. the music seemed to be a special spice for all those feelings.

why no one will help me i'm too dumb i'm too smart
they'll not understand me i'm lonely they'll hate me

there is not enough time it's too hard to help me
God wants me to work no resting no lazy

it was great to read a book sitting here. it's also great to write. and alanis... my oooold friend.
when i look up, i see only one star straight above my head. it's kind of boring. i want to see many-many stars and choose one for myself. and now there's only one twinkling and smiling...
you are a spirit that knows of no limit...