i want to write. i want many other things. i feel that there's no fear anymore. i'm not afraid of the physics exam. i'll begin to get ready from monday and in 14 days i'll know excellent.
perhaps i'll meet with Anna and Nona in the evening but i want to go for a walk before that. i love that lonely walks. there was time that Anahit joined my walks but this is the 3rd year that i'm all alone. am i going to have a friend like Anahit sometime? Oh, how can i find someone like her. She was different from others, original. And i don't even have a friend as close as she was. Who could understand me better than Anahit? we had grown up together. oh, how the years flew!!! when we met, i was only 10. it was almost 7 years ago... how i want to have a close friend!!! how i need Anahit!!! i want to tell someone about myself but i look around and there's nobody i can trust

i'm sitting near Cascade. i'm out for lonely walks again. i'm listening to alanis. it's wonderful here. i'm thinking. oh, how i love my city!!! i can wander all through the day and never get bored. i might meet many people that i know and that i haven't seen for ages. interesting, my friends are changing too often. there are only Nona and Anna that are with me for already 4 years. Anahit would be with me if only...
i don't know. am i changing or the people around are changing?
i've forgotten many of my old friends. it seems that they are a dream. but i miss some of them very much. i remember and miss Lili. i know that we could be closer than we have been. i've learned from her a lot.
...and the wind is blowing. it seems to bring and take the beautiful moments of my past, the faces of dear people. i'm sitting here, happy, disconnected from the world. the sun is shining. my shiny present is smiling now. i love life, i love people with all their negative things. i love even my enemies. oh, how kind i am today!!! i don't recognize myself. nobody can find the aggressive Byurakn.
i want to see him. when have i seen him last time? i think it was the end of april. i miss him. i don't know why, everytime that i sit outside and write about him in my journal, it seems to me that he's standing behind me and reading what i write about him and if i turn, we'd hug each other. i feel the same again. i turn but there's nobody behind me...